19 December 2008 - Festive Season Fuels Family Fallouts

Fern Cotton was the second most popular choice, and Russell Brand pipped Leona Lewis to the post in third place in the research, which also found that more than half (54 per cent) of Brits have had family disagreements at Christmas.

Four out of ten people cited the strain of spending time with family as the reason for the annual epidemic of argy bargies. Reluctance to don the rubber gloves and help with the washing up or around the house was the next most popular reason, excessive drinking came next, followed by the battle of the remote control. Despite this, one in five still manage to grab the remote and immerse themselves in Christmas TV to escape family disagreements.

Men are twice as likely as women to disappear to the pub to get away from a disagreement, although the more popular form of escape for all is to go for a walk (30 per cent) , followed by hiding in the bedroom (23 per cent). Those aged between 36 and 40 are most likely to stay away from the family altogether at Christmas.

Circle Anglia conducted the survey of 1,000 people from across the UK together with support partner Alone in London, which provides advice and guidance for young people in London at risk of being homeless, to highlight the importance of preparing for Christmas emotionally.
Babs Durowoju, family mediation manager at Alone in London, has developed some simple tips to help avoid family arguments this Christmas and offers advice on what to do if things do start to get heated:

• Write a list of good points about someone you find it difficult to spend time with. This will help you focus on them rather than fester over bad ones

• Set yourself the goal of enjoying Christmas and focus on being positive. If you think that you are not going to enjoy spending time with the family – then the chances are that you won’t
• It will also help to fill the empty seats if loved ones aren’t with you, turning Christmas into a party rather than a claustrophobic family affair
• Don’t underestimate the guilt and pressures of Xmas, take a break. Go for a walk to clear your head and work off some of the excess food and alcohol so that you don’t all suffer from over indulgent cabin-fever
• Share the responsibility of planning Christmas by offering the responsibility of roles. Some children love decorating, teenagers often like the responsibility of shopping and paying for presents. We assume mums love responsibility of the cooking, but do we ever ask?
• Excessive consumption of alcohol, especially on Christmas day, is cited as one of the main causes of flare ups and the revisiting of historic family conflicts. Drink sensibly, watch your tongue and be sure to wash your mouth out on Boxing Day!

And if things do get a little heated…

• Calm down – lower your tone and take deep breaths. If needed walk away from the situation and address it at a later date
• Think about what you might be doing to aggravate the argument. How can you behave differently?
• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Are they stressed or anxious? What else could be causing them to be argumentative?
• Use your listening skills and ask calm questions to find out if there is a hidden need the other person has. Avoid asking why as this can make people defensive.

Commenting on the research, Babs says: “Don’t burden yourself with expectancy. Christmas has a way of making people stretch themselves beyond their means, so be realistic about what you can achieve. Share your thoughts and listen to other family members - it can help you all to release any worries and enjoy the festivities.”

For more information about Alone in London visit: www.als.org.uk

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Additional statistics

• Women tend to feel the strain of being in close proximity to their family more than men and two fifths (41 per cent) of women cite this as the reason for upset at Christmas
• People between 46 and 50 are the most likely to have bust-ups as a result of excessive drinking

Popular ways to escape family feuds:

• Almost a third of people choose to go for a walk to avoid rows (30 per cent)
• 1.5 per cent say they will retreat into their work. Men are more likely to go for a walk, and are also more likely to go to the pub, while women prefer to immerse themselves in Christmas TV
• People under 18 and those in the South-East of England are most likely to hide away in their bedrooms
• 22 to 25 year olds would rather go to the pub
• The Scots are most likely to resort to watching TV
• The Welsh say they go round to a friends house to get away from the tense atmosphere
• The Northern Irish are most likely to have row at Christmas, tend to go for a walk, do some work or go to the pub to get away from the Christmas mania

Regional reasons for rows:

• A fifth of people in the North-East cited alcohol as the cause of rows
• Over half of people in the East Midlands say that spending time with family causes strain
• Families in East Anglia are the most likely to fight over what to watch on TV
• Northern Ireland is most prone to festive disagreements - more than two thirds of people responded that Christmas caused family flare-ups.

Celebrity lunch guests to calm down a family disagreement

• A third of women would like Joe Swash to join them for Christmas lunch
• Most men between 51 and 55 would like to have Fern Cotton to lunch
• The under 18s would like Russell Brand to join them for Christmas lunch

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Notes to editors

For further information please contact the press office on phone 0845 234 0824 or email pressoffice@circleanglia.org

About Alone in London

Alone in London is part of Epic Trust, Circle Anglia’s specialist care and support partner, which supports more than 5,300 people with a wide range of needs. Alone in London supports vulnerable young people in London between the ages of 16 and 25 who homeless or are at risk of homelessness. Services include referring to hostels, offering access to training and employment and family mediation. Find out more at www.als.org.uk

19/12/08 10:39